there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
