It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Farmville is her only friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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