I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
