but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The feeling are messing with the penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
