Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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