Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
