yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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