I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
