Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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