He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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