i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
