we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
