I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
