Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
