just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
