you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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