I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
