The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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