dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
