dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
