Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
