Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
