Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
