I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
