sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
