he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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