I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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