you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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