I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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