Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
