Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
