You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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