I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
