even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
