I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
