Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
