There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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