i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
