Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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