Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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