I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
