i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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