i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
