so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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