my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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