when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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