i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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