Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
