I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
handjob tips. give me some.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
