Im at strip club and am horny
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
