i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
