I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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