Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
