do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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