I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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