were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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