Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
