I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
