not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
