Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
