My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
