he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
