Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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