booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
