She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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