i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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