toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
