My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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