Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
