its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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