The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
