im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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