I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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