She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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